Okay, I wrote a post a few weeks ago about the fact that on this blog site that I write on…you can see what google searches land people on your blog.  For the past three weeks, the number 1 search that has led people to astoriachick.com has been “How To Make a Really Loud Clap.”  Over 100 people have come across my blog this way.

I have one post entitled “I Can Clap Really Loud” that has nothing to do with the actual geometry of how to clap really loud.  It’s not a science-y piece.  And so I feel bad for all of these people who really want to clap loud and think somehow that my shitty blog will help them.  But also – why the fuck would you really need to clap really loud?  Loud enough that you would have to google pointers on the subject?

Are you an explorer?  Do you go into caves where there are jumpy scorpions and the distance your clapping sound travels is in direct proportion to your chances of coming out alive?  Are you an avid theater-goer who is afraid that the performers and crew of any given production will not hear your enthusiasm for pithy dialogue?  Are you a white guy in a movie where a black guy makes a speech at the end of the movie and you want to be the guy who claps first – causing all of the other white guys to clap at the black guy?

Jesus people, take a look at your lives.  There are better things to do.  I’m not even kidding, Kate Middleton went to the grocery store today.  I just saw the pictures on TMZ.