Ok, so yes, I signed up for an online dating service around…a year ago? I can’t really remember. It was OKCupid. A free service and went on a total of three dates before deciding that I was waaay to cool for a dating service. I mean, look at me. I am from the same stuff of Claire Danes and Phylicia Rashad. There is no end to my wantedness. Yes, wantedness. Plus, I found that ex-boyfriends still enjoy sex from time to time.
But here’s the thing about OKCupid. Unless, you take your profile down, people can still email you messages. I have chosen not to take my profile down just because I would like these internet night-trollers to understand what a real woman looks like. Which they would see thanks to the five candid, yet thoughtful, pics included in my profile.
Regardless, I get emails from time to time. Here’s a direct copy of an email I got recently. This is from a man who wants to date me.
hi , i just wanna say to you that i read your profile , and i think your very nice person , i meet lots of people from texas , in nyc in the pass and i can tell you evry body i meet is very nice , anyway ,i hope you will worite back to me and we can chat , and mybe become friends , to start , and mybe more later , let me know what you think of me , bye for now
Again, this was a direct copy. I was not the person who coined the term “evry body” or misspelled the word “write.” This was not unusual. I actually only dug it up for the purposes of this blog. Just found it. I get one like this about twice a week. I, more than often, don’t read them at all. But I got one the other day that made me do a double take. It was short and almost elegant in it’s simplicity. Here’s what it said.
Why don’t you have some balls and write me back.
That was it.
And as far as I was concerned, there was nothing to do but investigate the matter. I went online and looked at his profile. His philosophy was simple.
“My philosophy is simple, anyone who likes me, I like them. I’m tall, fit, very active.I still like to lay in bed all day and cuddle with my girl.Willing to take emotionally risks and not afraid of rejection.If you’re curious and you think you might have some fun with me, message me.I’m very easy going, I think women that wear glasses are sexy.Looking for adventurous women who are not afraid to take some risks.I consider myself a feminist.My emails are being blocked because they want me to pay money.I don’t care about the money but I thought this was a free site?”
Once again – direct copy. Three notes.
1. I do actually respect men who are willing to take emotionally risks.
2. I do not wear glasses.
3. OKCupid is a free website. There is no reason emails would be blocked…unless you were a child-slave trafficer and the FBI was intercepting your emails and phone calls.
“What do people first notice about you?”
“My kind giving face.My perfect height(If you were going to play James Bond in a movie).My body moves with cat-like grace, excellent manners, very strong and extremely gentle in the right situations”
First and really only question: What is the perfect height for someone who was going to play James Bond in a movie?
What are your favorite books, movies, food, music?
I read a lot technical manuals, research studies, internet, non fiction, fiction.I always keep up with the latest movies, movies, music, books.I don’t like to be stuck in a certain time period.I always try to evolve.I’ve been listening to bands like Neon Trees, The Killers, Interpol, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Broken Bells, Muse, The Hold Steady, Cold Play, Metric.Movies I saw that I like are Avatar, The Time Travelers Wife.My favorite rock guitarist is Jimmy Page.My favorite song is “Fool In The Rain”, from Led Zeppelin.
1. Fiction and Non-Fiction (note the dash) make up the entirety of written word. So, no need for the “research studies” sub-section.
2. This is actually the first time someone ever mentioned the movie “Time Traveler’s Wife” to me.
3. It’s not like the space bar isn’t there. It’s the biggest button on the keyboard. It’s actually harder to miss than it is to strike.
What Is The Most Private Thing You Are Willing To Admit?
Fat chicks really turn me on.
My aunt calls me from time to time asking me why I’m still single. “You’re such a catch!” she says. It makes me feel better. Especially since she hasn’t even seen my profile.